the girly who shall end all girls

C and I are taking a long weekend on Whidbey Island for our anniversary (observed).* we're in a ridiculously well-appointed cottage on a farmette with goats and chickens, surrounded by lush NW woods. i think the only thing missing from the kitchen was a meat thermometer. (like, there's an espresso machine and an immersion blender and a waffle maker and some kind of milk foaming machine in addition to the usual pots and pans.) the hosts are ridiculously friendly and have already given us fresh eggs and a chunk of the smoked cheddar that they make on top of the local mead that was waiting for us in the fridge when we arrived.

yesterday started out like it should: we went out for breakfast in a nearly empty restaurant near home, packed our things at a reasonable pace, and had an easy time getting a ferry and finding the place. when we moved our things inside, the dog wasn't exploring the space, she was staying right by the door.

well, it turns out she was hanging out by the door because there's a runner there. she did come upstairs early on when i called her to come with me, and then she went right back by the door. she takes time to get used to new spaces, so i didn't think much of it until i was ready for bed and called her to come with me. she scrabbled a bit coming over, then skidded on the stairs and rushed back to the runner by the door and cowered there, shaking.

the flooring everywhere in the place is very smooth wood laminate.

she won't put a paw on the floor, the floor is lava. last night was rough; she was refusing her favorite treats and not touching her food, which is her signal of extreme agitation and distress. we finally got something in her by spreading wet food on a plastic lid and holding it for her to lick since she wouldn't touch it if we put it on the floor in front of her. and i realized: our kitchen has flooring like the flooring here.** i never observed her having any traction issues in our kitchen, but now i'm positive that we were making her do the equivalent of negotiating a sheet of ice every time she wanted to eat or drink, for years. so i had a meltdown. i was so damn tired and so very guilty, and i felt like a total fuckup.

we pulled out the sofabed so that we could be near her instead of going to a location she couldn't get to at all, since she was so miserable. the sofabed, unlike the lovely bed upstairs, has a shit mattress where you can feel all the support bars. i slept hard once i fell asleep, but i've been wrecked all day today. it's not just the mattress, the feeling reminds me of the kind of shaky post-adrenaline feel i get after falling down and picking myself up again.

we collected every throw and area rug in the place, plus the yoga mats,*** and have patched together a dog-safe area on the main floor that covers most of the living area where we hang out. i did some research and learned that we had also done her a disservice by not having her nails short enough - they dig in with them like cleats when they need traction, and if they're too long on slippy surfaces the dog ends up lifting their paw pads off the floor when they try to grip and it makes things worse. fortunately the local pet store does walk-in nail trims, so that's done (she hated it). she's still mostly hanging out in her safe place, but i've coaxed her in by the couch a few times today. so maybe she'll feel up to exploring the carpet archipelago before we go home.

i think tonight we're going to try sleeping upstairs because the sofabed isn't sustainable. i considered trying to take her back home for boarding, but they want a vaccination for canine influenza that we haven't gotten yet, so that's just another way that we're failures at taking care of the dog. maybe in time we'll laugh about this.




*it's actually the Ides of March but having an event/travel on a Tuesday is just weird. on the actual evening we went out to dinner at the same place we went in 2020. besides being a gluten-free kitchen, they're still asking for vax cards, bless them

**we had trouble when her food was in the kitchen - she wouldn't go in if anyone else was there, and howled when any visitor got near the kitchen doorway. we thought she was unhappy about the confined space - it's narrow and has one entrance. we moved her food station during the pandemic and all skittishness around food ended. she doesn't even care if we step over her while she eats. and while she looks in, she never puts all four paws in the kitchen.

***did i mention this place is ridiculously well-appointed? there's even one of those laptop rests with fans innit.

last night i met C at Whole Foods for dinner.

after dinner i bought 80% organic hypoallergenic moisturizer that has not been tested on animals, and an almond gelato.

then we went to REI because i had a member coupon and it's their big sale. i wanted C to get a Sigg bottle because of the bisphenol A scare, but he didn't like any of the patterns, so we decided to look for one online. we looked at travel backpacks (still trying to decide if we're going to europe with the rolling carryons or not). i bought a bunch of Smartwool socks because they were on sale for less than half price. C got pants with articulated knees and a hemp/cotton blend shirt.

we were able to agree that no human needs a $450 unlined windbreaker. but C looked so good in it i actually thought about how to budget it and i think it was then i realized that i had to write this post.

i picked up my film festival pass today. the picture isn't bad.

i wrote this post and then looked up the links, not the other way around.

ETA: a comma for scarlettina.

C made it to work safely this morning. not so much for other folks. i watched two people in a row go down running for the bus, and then arrived at work to find someone's car wrapped around the pole by the skybridge and the fire dept everywhere. someone else just drove off the viaduct.

(for the more distant folks on the f-list, Seattle has snow and freezing temperatures that are unusual in November. the snow isn't quite sticking, so there are lovely patches of slick mud and black ice. plus half the drivers are completely confused by ice and snow.)

be careful out there.

(also, one of the suggestions for skybridge from the eljay spellchecker is "Kubrick.")

someone mentioned yesterday that i hadn't been posting lately, and i realized that i've been a little quiet. there are big thoughts smashing around my head, and no good place to put them.

i've got too much information in my head this week about humans using other humans. it's something i abhor. i respect that it's a part of daily life, but i like to think that when i get something from someone else i am offering something of value in return. it's hard for me to live in a world where business is tangled with personal in order to serve the business. or perhaps i don't care so much about the manipulation if there's a consistent standard set.

so, since there's a few unrelated things going on here, i can just say that i hate it when people are completely self-serving and mean. it doesn't matter if i know the victim well or not.

i also have no comfort in the knowledge that i am right or have the moral high ground if it means pain for someone else.

i spent brunch this morning asking C to give me some happy examples of human nature. he didn't do too well. but as i think about it, last night was a grand example of goodness, where a whole lot of people got together and did something nice for scarlettina as she starts her hundred days. lots of people were there, and it was written up all over; i can't do it justice here. the thing is that we got together and did something a little absurd (each guest donated a nonperishable food item or other useful treat) to diffuse the dread associated with unemployment. perhaps we all could use a little more of that spirit in our lives. there was a little love with every can of cranberry sauce, bag of cat treats, and postage stamp. that's the kind of truth i want right now.