ironymaiden: POV image of kayak bow with paddle at rest on a lake (kayak)
last Sunday i finally got to a kayak club pool play session, and i was able to successfully do a heel hook self-rescue. this in spite of having had very little opportunity to work on conditioning - it's that much of a mechanical improvement for my particular body shape and composition. (in the process i also managed to break another of the rubber thingies that substitute for real decklines and bungies.) as i was unloading at home i got the message that my father-in-law had died, so my feeling of triumph was short-lived.

yesterday i figured out how to replace the broken rubber bit on the back deck, and hit up Seattle Fabrics for cordage and fittings to upgrade my decklines and get rid of the rubber once and for all. Seattle Fabrics is a dreamy candy store of all the things you never knew you wanted to be able to make yourself, packaged up as some blend of an old-school outfitter, a neighborhood hardware store, and a theatrical supply shop. somehow a pretty new building still feels like a grotty warehouse inside, with ceiling-high racks of technical fabric, spools of all sorts of cording and webbing mounted on pipes (complete with yardstick and scissors for cutting your own), and wooden drawers of various plastic and metal snaps and clips and other findings (all with an example taped to the front of the drawer). i never knew there were three colors of glotape! and there are patterns to MAKE ALL THE THINGS. i only bought the items that i came for, but i want to get C in there, he will love it.

in the afternoon i did my first solo paddle with the Oru. i still marvel that it's ten minutes from door to water.

photo above is the view coming back in to the boat launch. in the distance is the stop light at 28th and Market; 28th Ave runs directly into the ship canal.

once i got past the end of the marina, i discovered that the boat launch is behind the breakwater for the entrance to the locks. there were two Corps of Engineers barges piled high with storm debris - mostly tree parts, but a variety of junk including several boats (eep). boat traffic was low, but i decided i wasn't ready to find out how much of a current there was around the dam and the lock entrances, so i headed east toward Ballard bridge.

it's always interesting to see the city from the water. it's backstage and inside out from the familiar. there's a marina behind Ballard Ave that's as big or bigger than any on Lake Union, with picnic tables by the water at land end of each set of docks - they're hidden from public view by Pacific Studio. there's a sign that only someone in a small boat could read. there's a floating home completely covered in murals that has a dinghy with a matching paint-job. i looked inside an empty dry dock. i was dwarfed by a trawler. i startled a cormorant. due to darkening skies, i only went to the bridge and back, but i got close enough to Fisherman's Terminal to get a feel for just how huge the Alaska fleet ships really are. i look at them every day on the way to work and they don't seem like they're that much larger than pleasure craft, but that's just forced perspective, they make the helipad-sized yachts look dinky.

i know that exercise generally is good for mood, but the effect that paddling has on me is still remarkable. i assume that it's the combination of exercise and exploration (and i have always loved the water). i found myself singing as i went, and i stayed bubbly all the way through packing up and going home and unpacking and showering and meeting the knittas for a movie.

this was probably my last chance to go out before i go to see my parents, but i feel like i'm set now to build my stamina and work my strokes on the ship canal though the winter.
ironymaiden: (bondage)
I have so much to write about, but I have a release. I'm alive, both Dads are alive (for now) and I got to go paddling on Saturday. More later.
ironymaiden: Cartoon television with devil horns (media)
what are you currently consuming?
Key & Peele. we didn't have Comedy Central during their original run, but i enjoyed the clips i saw online. last night i played an episode on a whim, and before i knew it we had watched 3 or 4. i love that each episode has a running theme. the sketches with President Obama in them are bittersweet; very on point, very funny, and a reminder of what it was like to have a smart and competent leader that i was generally proud to have representing me.*

also, the World Cup even though it makes me angry every time it's on.**

what did you recently finish?
well, i think i've finished watching Cloak and Dagger after three episodes. and if i wasn't sitting on the couch spinning, where it was more work to change the show than let it play, i don't know if i would have watched three. it's slooooooooooow. and this Tandy is straight-up horrible. as [personal profile] mimerki says, "I would watch the Tyrone show" but we're three episodes in and they're not actually together yet. (in the comics they are both runaways and are forced together by circumstance before they get their powers. this is reminding me of my other unfinished Marvel show, Runaways where i quit watching for similar reasons. i don't mind changes for tv and movies. i mind when those changes aren't entertaining.)

what will you consume next?
i am piling up unwatched superhero shows, but i suspect i'll go back to Brooklyn 99 first. i just don't have the emotional reserves for anything vaguely challenging in terms of threat or interpersonal conflict or world events. and at this rate i may never have it in me to watch The Handmaid's Tale.




*I miss him SO much.
**this is D's last World Cup, and the US isn't there. every time i think about that it pisses me off. to be clear, i'm not upset with any team who made it. they deserve to be there. i'm upset with US Soccer and certain entitled assholes on our national team who didn't take the Hex seriously.
ironymaiden: (rich zoe)

we had a forecast for a tremendous storm this weekend. we didn't get it.
i'm fine with this. we laid in some disaster supplies that we should have had ready anyway (hello, ring of fire) and spent a bunch of quiet time that was pretty great.
i've been worried about C's mental health after returning home from NH. being away from home and having to spend so much time in isolation with his parents and their needy dogs exhausts him on every level. so i bought him Gears of War 4 (which means that i bought an Xbox One S to play it on). we set it up together on Sunday once we knew we weren't going to see any power surges. i know that it sounds a bit odd to say that it's comforting to see him taking headshots and blood spraying on the screen, but it's really comforting to see him taking headshots and hear the sound of a chainsaw parting flesh. (the trademark weapon of Gears is the Lancer, which is a chainsaw rifle. not to be confused with the shotgun axe.)
i also had a lot of peppermint tea and made a practice swatch of the textured stitch for my sweater. i think i'll cast on for real tonight.

ironymaiden: (fall)
it's starting to really feel like fall. the sky is grey, and the rain is here. the tree in the courtyard is waving around and i think the drip cups for one of my planters blew away.* C and i both have colds, so i regretfully put our Sounders tickets up for sale this morning. i thought i could manage standing for a couple hours, but standing in the rain for a couple hours isn't very wise. i will take an extra-hot shower and put on my jersey and my lucky socks** and we can watch from the couch while wrapped in blankets and sipping throat coat tea.

***
earlier this week Seattle was splashing out with the last perfect days before the long nights arrive. last month one of my coworkers took a group of us out on his sailboat on Lake Union. we just lazed around in circles, but it felt amazing just to be on the water. so i started prodding C about going canoeing - it's something he loved as a Boy Scout that we would talk vaguely about and not actually do. it's not like it's hard to get to a body of water here, or even to rent a canoe.

the University of Washington main campus is bounded by Lake Washington and the ship canal (which connects to Lake Union and the Puget Sound). UW rents canoes by the hour. so it was kind of brilliant - i walked from work to the train station, got off at UW, and walked less than five minutes to the rental desk. the process felt way too easy: can you swim? give us your ID, here's your life jackets and your paddles, that dude will help you get in the boat, pay up when you get back. so that was it.



we puttered through the wildlife sanctuary past dozens of waterfowl who were completely unconcerned about our presence. C was reasonably good at giving novice me paddling lessons. it was peaceful and quiet and profoundly good. i was nervy about how high i was sitting and turning around to get stuff from the middle of the boat and not dropping my paddle. once i got over feeling like i was going to tip over, i started to feel connection with the paddle and the boat and manouvering it where we wanted to go.*** no mishaps, other than stumbling as we returned the boat. i'm sorry we tried it so late in the season; an hour of paddling is definitely $10 worth of fun but i don't know if we'll have a chance to go back together before they shut down for the heart of winter. next time i'll be willing to risk the good camera and take wildlife pictures. we've started some tentative talk about paddle-in camping :D

both of us left bubbling with happiness - endorphins from the exercise, peace from the water, the pleasure of working together. we got tacos on the way home, and sat at the bar where C made enthusiastic small talk with the bartender, which is how i know that he was pretty much giddy because he is not one to talk with strangers. it was a grand evening, i'm glad to have had it.

*sorry downstairs neighbors. or perhaps they welcome sky tupperware.
**they have not lost when i have been watching and wearing these socks. go go correlation.
***i went home and looked at buying canoes. we don't have a place to put a 12-16ft anything. but i looked. they make folding ones...
ironymaiden: (rich zoe)
i've largely avoided the internets today. i'm not interested in whatever political stupidity is going on.

***
today is my 14th Seattleversary.

i went dog walking, then silent writing and lunch with [livejournal.com profile] varina8, and then a largely spontaneous gathering of my knittas where i spread the gospel of The Great British Bake-off.

it was a beautiful day.

i needed that.
ironymaiden: (chinstrap)
C comes home tomorrow. i am too excited to sleep.
ironymaiden: (rich zoe)


i am enjoying the heck out of these podcasts:
More Perfect: stories from the history of the US Supreme Court. this is from the people who do Radiolab.
Code Switch: talk about race, mostly in the US, from a group of PoC working at NPR. stay woke.
Invisibilia: this one is roughly themed around invisible influences that shape our behavior. the one that hooked me was about how learning to express feelings helped an offshore oil rig reduce their accident rate.

i drafted a new knitting project bag pattern and made a prototype. it's pretty rad. now i feel more confident about making one with [livejournal.com profile] mimerki's fabric.

i eyeballed pictures of a handknit sock and have reproduced the effect without reading a pattern.

Pokemon GO. it deserves its own post, but suffice it to say that i enjoyed the downtown bus slowdown immensely this morning, since i was earning XP.











C will be home for our annual camping trip in less than ten days.
ironymaiden: (fuck it)
i'm worried about C. we've had sporadic contact the past few days. he's been able to tell me that he's unhappy and that this trip has been harder on him than the last one, but not exactly what is going on. he's promised a call tomorrow when he's finally settled back in NH. (at least now things are set up so that he is in the guest room and has a fucking door that closes. that was not the case during the last trip.)

so i've got that going for me.

his departure had a bit of a tornado effect on the house. and then game was cancelled this week. so i'm having trouble marshalling the spoons to clean up the house since i started in a hole instead of just dealing with the filth and disorder i generate on my own. i've even managed to misplace my kindle. i can't adequately express how not-okay that is. (at least i feel pretty confident that it is in the house somewhere.)

so i've got that going for me.

lots of things went well this week and this weekend. i made experimental raspberry-lemon curd. there's a roast in the crockpot insert, ready to cook tomorrow. i had an excellent lunch yesterday. i had an excellent walk with Leela this morning. i mail-ordered some new pants and they are so damn comfy.

which is nice.

fuel

Jun. 17th, 2016 09:01 pm
ironymaiden: (waiting)

C is driving from his parents' house in NH to PA to get crap out of his parents' crap-filled house in PA. while I love living in a future where we can chat on and off all day, it means that the weasels have started to whisper in my ear because I haven't heard from him for 12 hours.

validation

Jun. 10th, 2016 06:14 pm
ironymaiden: (mind)

i put C on a plane again tonight, and he'll be gone for an indefinite amount of time.

i will miss him desperately. as noted previously, i don't need him in order to function and in some ways things are easier without him around. but i want him around.

i have felt some existential horror at the not-needing. what if C has no utility?

the real question is, why do i think that he has to be needed rather than wanted? relevant article: author posits that we are all conditioned to value men solely for their utility.

ironymaiden: (dog)
originally C was supposed to be home for two weeks. but the treatment schedule opened up a bit, so we pushed his flight out a week - which meant that we could get in some camping.

prior to the whole cancer thing, our plan for the summer was to go camping as much as we could and get Leela used to the idea (or determine that it was never going to work) before our annual trip in July.

realizations and a change of plans )

on Saturday we got up, went out for coffee, and once C's breakfast had settled, he was willing and we were off. Leela doesn't love the car. i had given her some benadryl to make her a little drowsy, and rode in the back seat with her. she proceeded to drool copiously in a way i had never seen. like, soaking my pants copiously. i spread my flannel on my lap to help sop it up, which was good, since it caught the vomit :/

after puking, Leela felt much better and lay down for the rest of the ride. fortunately, dog vomit is basically scentless, so i just had to keep from spilling until we arrived. after that, pretty much everything was fine.

Dash Point
feels surprisingly isolated for being on the edge of Federal Way and under a flight path to SeaTac. the park has a salmon stream and a pleasant hiking trail along it through a second growth forest, from the campground to its outlet on a Puget Sound beach. we saw rabbits, and ate the occasional salmonberry, and Leela splashed in the stream. the sound, well, that was a step too far. (we didn't go down early enough for the minus tide.) there were wee six or eight inch waves. Leela could see that other dogs were playing in the water, and she would run up to the edge, but then THE WATER MOVED and that was not okay. i guess if the waves came up past my knees i would be a bit wary too.

we made steaks and baked potatoes with the campfire, and generally chilled out. between the tree cover and being relatively close to the shore we had steady cool breezes and as long as we stayed out of the sun the temperature was great. Leela slept pretty well in the tent, although she did alert a couple times during the night. (placid Molly did that too, so i feel pretty okay about that.) the important thing is that she didn't flip out every time someone walked by the campsite. she didn't mind being on a run (we attach an elastic lead to climbing cord run between a couple trees; leashes are the law). she totally loved walking in the woods, and picked up on the campsite being "home" immediately.

C did okay too. it was definitely not-NH.

the campground was busy, mostly families. i was delighted that it was only maybe 50 or 60 percent white people, and not all of those white people were speaking English. ditto the day use side of the park with the beach. parks are for everyone <3 <3 <3

the only problem heading home was that when we parked the car, Leela didn't really want to get out. eventually i had to pick her up, which is hysterical because she sticks all four legs out as far as she can, like some kind of deformed starfish. still, it was pretty easy. we can do this again.

*there was filming going on a few tables over, seemed to be people in the music business telling anecdotes. didn't recognize anyone, wasn't going to get in their way to find out. we live in a city, motherfuckers.
ironymaiden: (taciturn man)
C is coming home for two weeks, starting Thursday.

it's only two weeks, but i'll take what i can get.

he was so cute on our video call tonight. *muppetflail*
ironymaiden: (fuck it)
on Thursday, i had ice cream for dinner.

***
i had a draft post about how well my routine has been working, that Leela super-loves daycare, that i miss C but everything is suprisingly okay.

this is all still true.

but.

Wednesday night [livejournal.com profile] buhrger and [livejournal.com profile] butterflydrming met Leela for the first time. and she would not calm the fuck down. she just stood under the table and made her siren noise: roorooroorooroo. i took turns with [livejournal.com profile] mimerki sitting on the floor with her. she does react to new people entering the house, but it has always subsided quickly. not this night. she stopped being noisy eventually, but it was easy to set her off again and i had no idea why (other than the basic "you people aren't C, get out and send C in").*

that night she woke me up repeatedly with these horrible gagging noises. and i'd swim up enough to think that i needed to get her to the emergency vet, and then she would curl up and fall fast asleep, breathing normally. so we stumbled along until the regular vet opened in the morning, and they did a phone consult and assured me that nothing life-threatening was going on and they could see her Friday. having slept for shit, i called off and kept her home, where she eventually started to hawk up phlegm. so yeah, the vet saw her and confirmed that she has kennel cough (basically a doggie cold) and she'll get over it on her own. but she's very contagious, so she really shouldn't interact with other dogs for 10 days.

no daycare. no playing with her neighborhood friends. oof.

since she's so skittish with people, i can't have a dog walker come in. i need to figure out this weekend how to plan my work schedule. the next couple weeks are also the viaduct closure (traffic doom in downtown Seattle) so traveling between home and the office will have additional challenges. i think i'll probably just do shorter office days and log on from home in the evenings.
***

D starts weekly radiation soon, on top of the chemo. i told C about the dog drama (because in his position i would have wanted to know) and the dumbass told his mom. therefore D, who is retired but will never stop being a cop, has figured out that not everything is okay here and is fretting about disrupting our lives and making noises about how C doesn't have to stay.

i want to yell at him for that.

but i understand. i want people in my life to understand that stuff is happening, but that i also need to be treated mostly like i am a normal person on a normal day and not some fragile glass thing. i got a haircut this week, and my stylist V who i love for NOT being an incessant small-talker and cutting my hair in a businesslike fashion while i sit quietly and enjoy having her hands on my head, asked how i was doing...and i told her. she then talked about cancer stuff the entire time. which was really very sweet. but what i want when i see people is to NOT talk about cancer or how living without C feels like a rehearsal for life after he dies.

it's like wearing a backpack. the weight is distributed pretty well and my conditioning gets better all the time. some days it feels heavier than other days. this week i had to rebalance the load. i'd say that eventually i will get to take it off, but the truth is that it's only the weight and how well it's fitted that changes. everyone is carrying their stuff all day every day.

it's a beautiful day. i'm going to go see the sounders probably lose. My hair is cute, Leela's coughing less and less, The Blue Sword came out as an ebook, and last night pirate A brought me Twizzlers. i am, in spite of everything else, reasonably happy.




*i wish it worked that way. if yelling at everyone who enters the apartment would magically produce C, i would do it too.
ironymaiden: (knitting)
quilting is unforgiving at most stages. if you miscut fabric you can certainly reuse it in another project, but not in this one. get a seam allowance too wide or too narrow at the piecing stage, and the top won't come together. block pieces have to go in a certain order. there are right sides and wrong sides to fabric, points and patterns to match. one can unsew, but i can say from grim experience that you can only poke a row of holes in something so many times before you destroy it. then there are issues other than the fabric itself...your sharp blade won't ever be sharp again if you find a forgotten pin with it.

so for me at least, it takes laser focus. steady hands. the ability to plan several steps into the future and hold that in my head. and i haven't been able to do that for months. i've ruined a few things. i'm not an absolute perfectionist, and i learn best from making mistakes. but damn, i hate destroying materials and tools.

in some ways this applies to painting models and baking as well. plus i have a love/hate relationship with baking since i'm healthier when i don't eat baked goods. while experimenting with sugar-free and lower carbohydrate materials is interesting, it also comes with a high cost (the best sugar substitute IMO is erythritol...$.52 an ounce vs $.38 a POUND for granulated sugar) and failure rate.

i've been feeling lost without being able to quilt. i've lost track of when it was that i last Made A Thing (my attempted handmade Yule gifts were scrapped due to design flaws, learning to use a drop spindle was just sad, my last batch of baked goods both tasted bad and had a lousy texture).

i learned to knit as a teenager. (i took classes because my mother knew that attempting to teach me herself would lead to fighting.) but i never finished many projects because it was so damn boring.

* * *

i was knitting in the hallway at Norwescon this weekend while waiting to get into a panel, sitting beside a woman probably twenty years my senior who was making tiny lace hexagons at lighting speed. after she inquired about my project, i mentioned that i stopped knitting previously because it was boring. to which she replied "and now you knit because it's boring". yes.

a couple weeks ago i was buying yarn to take to PA for my mother. and i desperately needed a thing to do with my hands, a thing i could do on the plane when my kindle was supposed to be turned off, and in the hospital. that's when i realized that i should just get some yarn i'd like to look at and knit a scarf and it's not like i needed to do anything with the product. and so i made a ribbed scarf on the trip, and it was a sort of thumb-sucking. no thinking, just meditative motion. make a mistake, pull it out. the yarn is unharmed, it's safe to try again. after the scarf, i made a shawl. and i knew by the time i had started on the final edging that it was too small (because of course i didn't use the size of yarn or needles that the pattern called for) and there were mistakes i wouldn't tolerate that had made it past various attempts to fix them. i finished it off anyway to practice the lacy edge and the cast off. then i frogged the entire thing. i'm starting over with new gauge math and more experience.

i look like a bandwagoner, but whatever. i've decided to stop giving a shit and enjoy the only creative thing i seem to be able to do right now.
ironymaiden: (quilt)
today i attached the binding to a small quilting project. it's the first sewing i've done since April, when i finally stopped trying to make things because i made so many errors on every project i touched. 2011 has just not been good for quilting, and since i have two quilts that were meant to be done in December still in pieces, it gets me down. i spent a lot of time before i went to PA not able to concentrate enough to read and not able to write about how i felt and not able to quilt without ruining whatever i touched.

it's just a potholder, i still have to hand finish the rest. but the corner miters are all aligned and there's nothing misshapen about the join between the two ends of the binding (a bugaboo of mine evident in the last thing i did in April - i gave up and gave it to the intended recipient anyway).

i have another creative thing i can do when my buffer is full of photography info and i need time to process.

whew.

still alive

Jun. 3rd, 2011 10:46 am
ironymaiden: (PA)
i've been without reliable internet access (or cel phone signal, really) until today.

so hey, pathology report was good, Dad is recuperating on schedule, and it's not 90 degrees outside today.

hopefully more time later to write something meatier.

Profile

ironymaiden: (Default)
ironymaiden

November 2024

S M T W T F S
     12
3456789
10 111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated May. 26th, 2025 03:28 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios