taking my medicine

[ironymaiden]

i hate having regular engagements. i don't really like having a responsibility that happens on a certain night each week without fail. i don't appreciate coming home from work and leaving again before i can see C.

i realized tonight that i can't let any of that keep me from going to chorus. no matter how much of a drag it is to get there on time, no matter what i'm missing (House of Flying Daggers, this time) it's always worth my time. the combination of the people with the mental and physical labor of singing pulls me out of my little treadmill and takes me somewhere else. it's a few hours where i truly enjoy being a cog in a machine, and feel like i'm the whole machine at the same time, that when the gears mesh i' m forty voices and the conductor's baton is turning me.

and i've been feeling lame as a section leader. but tonight i was just doing little things, making sure the right people spoke to each other to conduct business, knowing that getting someone a ride home has gained them new friends, and i realized that the job is something other than the music. i know that the music part is coming along. i'll be fine at that, not great, but good enough. and i know the French, damn it.

i was in particular need of hugs, and smiles, and small talk, and loc touching, and those Ginger Newman-Os and cocoa. i got it all. (i could have had more time with you, Q.) and then i sang my way home to C, who brought me the sounds of Shatner, and then told me to go get online :)

otherwise, i'm less than a week from thirty and nowhere i expected to be. i can't say i have no regrets, but what they are changes often enough that they may negate themselves.

Comments

[weahawk.livejournal.com]

sorry I didn't get a chance to hug ya tonite. :(

[ironymaiden]

well, i didn't exactly reach out. we'll make it up later :)

Newman-os and shatner?

[jfrog78.livejournal.com]

I really do like Newmans assortment of products all very tasty. Also I thought I was the only one who bought William Shatners new album! I searched high and low to find it and the places I went looked at me funny and said, "What a shatner album, really?"

Re: Newman-os and shatner?

[ironymaiden]

C borrowed it for me to hear - it's been playing pretty often at his workplace. the cookies i only eat at rehearsal since i try not to buy sugar for the house.

[scarlettina.livejournal.com]

Less than a week from 30? Where are the party plans, girlfriend? We must celebrate!

[ironymaiden]

i've been in tech rehearsal for most of my adult birthdays. so i tend to think of it as a distraction more than an event in itself. more recently it's been a quiet dinner sort of thing. last year, midnight movie. hmmmm.

Saggitarians, unite!

[gyngersnap.livejournal.com]

Hey, Jennifer,happy birthday! Life is a journey and all that crap....but you already know that. The thirties are the best - you'll love it. The forties aren't bad either. The fifties are, um, challenging from my point of view. But you don't have to think of any of that yet. Just enjoy your life the way it is now. I love you!