change

[ironymaiden]

when C and i started pooling our finances i had to explain the thing about grocery shopping together.

(women who have been in a checkout line with a man know where this is going.)

i do all of the interaction with the cashier. i produce the money. the cashier hands C the change and receipt. C didn't even realize that it was happening. he didn't believe me. of course, the next time we went, the usual chain of events happened, and then he was offended - for me, for himself for not noticing, for the woman behind the counter who did it a hundred times a day.

remember the HPV vaccine, and how subsidizing it was condoning premarital sex for little girls? now it's proof against male throat cancer. i expect that the government will be paying for them to get vaccinated in short order, the same way that insurance pays for Viagra more often than birth control. the same way that C gets the change and receipt.

i should note that the grocery example is the exception rather than the rule in Seattle. but i live in the urban archipelago and i know it.

Comments

[scarlettina.livejournal.com]

I sadly suspect you're right. ::sigh::

[craftyasparagus.livejournal.com]

I've seen it happen, but never had it happen to me. It doesn't surprise me, though - there are a ton of inequalities on both sides, and many of us never notice them.

[refractednotion.livejournal.com]

Can't say I've ever seen the change thing myself, but I'll watch for it now. That's really stupid. I mean... just... why? Have you noticed any other patterns to it: culture, nationality, regional affluence?

And the HPV thing has always pissed me off. Social conservatives disgust me.

[ironymaiden]

IIRC, it's most likely to happen with a white female cashier.

[julzerator.livejournal.com]

I've not had this happen to me, but then, the Wookiee is usually so eager to get out of the store that he is bagging the groceries and starting out of the store when I'm getting the change.

[textualdeviance.livejournal.com]

This happens to M and I a lot when we're eating out. M is shy with strangers and therefore gets a little inarticulate when faced with having to speak to people in transactions like that. So I usually do most of the interaction with the exception of him giving his order. And I even do that sometimes.

Yet at least half the time, the waitcritters put the check near him. Sometimes, I'll take the check, put my credit card on it and leave it on my side of the table, and when they bring it back to sign--apparently not noticing the name on the card--they STILL try to give it to him.

Of course the fun one is when people assume we have the same last name or assume we're not married because we don't.

[pixxelpuss.livejournal.com]

I have relatives (on My side no less) who know I didn't take his name, and STILL go out of their way to address mail to me with his last name. GRRR!

[sinthrex.livejournal.com]

To pick a nit: It prevents HPV initiated throat cancer in both sexes. Since spread is via any form of oral sex, that makes it indiscriminate male/female, straight/gay.

I won't take any credit for the Texas legislature being full of ninnies or the governor needing spine insertion surgery.

[ironymaiden]

true. so let's see if all of those moral folks decide that vaccination will promote sodomy.

[sinthrex.livejournal.com]

You never know.

[ivy]

I get creeped out when Cull buys me dinner; I'm so used to making it clear that *I* get the check and *I* pay the bill that it's all bizarre to be treated.

[joyful-storm.livejournal.com]

*looks mortified*

I, um, usually just let samildanach pay.

I haven't really thought about it much lately.

To be fair, there was a significant stretch of time when I was unemployed and he was supporting both of us when I just didn't have any means to pay. That was really tough to accept gracefully (internally) and not let it eat me up inside, actually.

When we ran separate households, we eventually got to the point of splitting shared expenses proportionately by salary level. Two people sitting at a table, two credit cards, they don't give both of them to one person.

Since we've gotten joint accounts, all the money comes from the same place, who cares? He's much more into calculating tip very carefully, so. . . I let him. *shrug*

I feel like such a cultural throwback now. . .

[ironymaiden]

oh, we switch back and forth. i usually do things like groceries and he does meals out. paying is more of a chore than anything. (but i have made more money than him through most of our relationship.)

*sigh* the point was that the cultural norm is to pay attention to the male. so the HPV vaccine is much more likely to become widespread now that we know that it doesn't just threaten women. it makes me furious.

[pixxelpuss.livejournal.com]

Yugg. This would be less upsetting except that I don't doubt for a second that it'll happen.

[refractednotion.livejournal.com]

I dunno, when those idiots dig their heels in on something...

[varina8.livejournal.com]

Men seem to equal money, unless they fit another stereotype. Many years ago I dated a man who used a wheelchair. When we were waiting for a table, the host or hostess would always look over the top of his head and ask me, "Two?" When we were sitting at the table after the meal, however, they would always give him the check.

[steve98052.livejournal.com]

I've only lived as a couple around Seattle (the same Eastside suburb the whole time), and grocery cashiers have always handed back the change to whoever gives them the money. The exception is when the one who paid isn't looking; then it goes to the other person.

At restaurants, I've almost always seen the check land in the middle of the table, unless the waiter is observing body language and sees a sign to do other wise.

The only sort of places where I see particularly sexist behavior are electronics stores, where women tend to be ignored, even if they're the ones doing the talking, and department stores, where men tend to be ignored except in men's clothing and hardware departments.

HPV vaccine? Let's hear it for head-in-the-sand idiots who think that young people get ideas about sex from medical discussion of the topic, as opposed to biological urges. I'd think that right wingers would tend to argue against subsidized vaccination anyway, on grounds that it's a waste of tax money that could be spent on wars and corporate welfare. (Sure, the vaccine company benefits, but I don't think it's all that well connected to the corporate welfare community.)