Aug. 13th, 2017

ironymaiden: (emo kylo)
it is beautiful today. the air is misty and cool, the smoke has blown away, and the sky is pearlescent gray. i never know how much i miss these days until i get my first one.

as i write this, C is taking the same intro to kayak class that i took last month. i was worried that it was going to be rainy and windy today, but when i dropped him off the lake looked like a sheet of glass, just perfectly dreamy. at 9am on a gray Sunday everything was quiet on the water; it looks like they'll have the lake to themselves (with no wind for the sailing people and too early for the motorized people). i envy him today. i want to GO.

i walked him to the staging area and kissed him goodbye.* then i made the mistake of turning on the radio on the way home, and had to fight back tears in order to drive.**

i feel so sick and so ashamed and so disappointed. i have tea and food and the dog and this weather that i love, but no wonder i can't stop looking at little boats and planning imaginary trips.




*he gave me some shit about mom walking him to the bus, but he's been wound up about this ever since he agreed to do it. it's mostly my fault since i am trying to be neutral but i can't hide my enthusiasm and my hope that he will like it too. really, if he doesn't like it i want to know soonest so that i can stop imagining us going out together.
**for posterity, and anyone who isn't soaking in it, there's some filthy racist shit going down in the US this week, and the chief executive is being inexcusably soft about it because he's a garbage person and those Nazi and KKK fuckers are part of his base.

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ironymaiden

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