ironymaiden (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ironymaiden) wrote2018-03-20 03:47 pm
ironymaiden) wrote2018-03-20 03:47 pm
only when it's safe
i talked with Dad on the phone today, after he'd had a full day of therapy and was waiting for his dinner. you have to give him time to formulate his sentences (which would be way easier if i could see him) but his speech is clear and he can carry on a conversation.
i mostly held it together while we talked. i told him that i was upset when i couldn't call him on his birthday (and that's where i got choked up while on the phone) and he said that niece A said he should have a birthday when he gets home. i agreed, and he proceeded to tell me all the things he would like to eat :)
he seems to be remembering things and attributing them correctly. he stood up with a walker today, and they have him pulling himself along with his feet when he's in the wheelchair. his feeding tube is out, and he's feeding himself with cutlery that's weighted to help counteract the tremors in his hands.
he talked about the doctor telling him how long his surgery was. i don't think he remembers very much. i don't know if he remembers me being there at all; that thought hurts me a great deal, but i know that i helped Mom get through some of the worst days and i just have to be satisfied with that.
after i got off the phone i just melted down in tears, like a dam had broken. it's been more than an hour and a half and i am still shaky. part of this is that i had a migraine yesterday, but i'm feeling weirdly grateful that i had a migraine yesterday (and so was tired enough this am to work from home in order to allow for periods of rest) so that i could cry at home today.
this is the second time that i've happened to be home when there was big emotional news about Dad. convenient, that.
i mostly held it together while we talked. i told him that i was upset when i couldn't call him on his birthday (and that's where i got choked up while on the phone) and he said that niece A said he should have a birthday when he gets home. i agreed, and he proceeded to tell me all the things he would like to eat :)
he seems to be remembering things and attributing them correctly. he stood up with a walker today, and they have him pulling himself along with his feet when he's in the wheelchair. his feeding tube is out, and he's feeding himself with cutlery that's weighted to help counteract the tremors in his hands.
he talked about the doctor telling him how long his surgery was. i don't think he remembers very much. i don't know if he remembers me being there at all; that thought hurts me a great deal, but i know that i helped Mom get through some of the worst days and i just have to be satisfied with that.
after i got off the phone i just melted down in tears, like a dam had broken. it's been more than an hour and a half and i am still shaky. part of this is that i had a migraine yesterday, but i'm feeling weirdly grateful that i had a migraine yesterday (and so was tired enough this am to work from home in order to allow for periods of rest) so that i could cry at home today.
this is the second time that i've happened to be home when there was big emotional news about Dad. convenient, that.
no subject
no subject